Wash Day Blues

Setting: Latherama Launderette

[Front, centre of stage sits a woman, aged around 50+, wearing a work overall and a flat black, slightly scuffed pair of shoes. She wears woolly tights, complete with 'snags'. She is staring into the glass door of an industrial sized dryer. It is drying an assortment of 'whites'. The launderette is empty.]

[Looks around, removes shoes and rubs feet.]

At last, I never thought he'd bleedin' go. At 9o'clock this morning I pulled the latch up and in he strolls with an Aldi bag full of washing, two and a half hours later he leaves. He must have read all the notices in the launderette five times over and back again. There he was pacing up and down like an expectant father waiting for his fresh smelling, slightly damp bundle of joy to emerge from the dark depths of the dryer. Then when it eventually emerged, it was a mass of grey......grey socks, grey underpants and a.....black shirt!.....I bloody told him to separate the whites! They never bloody listen!

[Leans forward, peers curiously into the dryer.]

Oh....If I'm not mistaken Mrs. Simms has got some new knickers. It looks like.....yes, just as I thought, they're M&S ones, them that help keep the tummy trim and tucked in.

[Puts shoes on, removes clothes from dryer, clasps a pair of knickers in hand.]

Knickers, .......I've seen a few in my time; lacey ones, racey ones, high and low cut, Y-front and no front at all......just imagine, just a gaping hole, what's the point of that? Leaves nothing to the imagination...and drafty too, I'll bet.

[Puts knickers in basket, folds other clothes.]

One of my regulars is Mrs. Simms. Regular as clockwork....every Sunday morning, drops in the delicates on her way to church. In she slips through the door and then parks her tartan shopping trolley in the same spot, next to the 'do these belong to you?' bin. Just drying today Maud, she says. No problem Mrs. Simms, I says.......and then

off she pops.

...................................................................................................................

[It's half an hour later after a busy spell, the woman sits down again and stares down at a freshly laundered bag of washing.]

[Looks in bag, pulls out a shirt] Now this ones a different kettle of fish. Always wants everything by yesterday. Struts in, all familiar like. Don't know who he thinks he is, I'm sure. Hi Maud, he says, can you fit me in love? Of course, I says a little reluctantly, just drop it over there. Is 5o'clock okay, I says? Any earlier, he says. No, I says..........That was two bleedin' days ago, and it's still here!

[Puts shirt back in bag, looks into glass door of dryer.]

There's no two ways about it, I'm bloody good at my job me, I really am.....The gaffa says so too. People who know me say, Maud he's

taking advantage of your good nature, making you work all the hours for next to nothing. Still, the money's not so bad and it gets me out the house.

[Starts to fold some clothes.]

Apppreciates me, he does, couldn't do without me.......... Haven't had a day off in two years me, I've worked every weekend without fail. I'd work in the week too if he asked me,.....but he never has. Mind you,.... I've never asked. Still, I'm needed at home in the week, my Bill would be lost without me. Maud, he says, you're a born homemaker, no-one irons shirts like you do.

..................................................................................................................

[It's an hour later, the woman stubbs out a cigarette, sits on her chair and sips a mug of tea. She stares into the glass door once again.]

Mind you next weekend is going to be a bit special. I've got the weekend off. It's all planned......I'm taking the bus and I'm going out for the day, just me on me tod, with a flask of tea and a couple of crab paste sarnies....... I'm fed up of looking after everyone else. Next weekend will be different.

[Long pause, woman removes shoe, rubs feet again.]

I wonder..... if I'll be missed?..........Perhaps I should leave it for a few weeks, might be better weather then. Yes, what a good idea, I could catch a coach to Margate and spend the day by the sea.....watching the world go by, playing a few games of Bingo, smashing!....... Mind you, an Autumn visit might be better, much less crowded. Then again, I could save up and wait 'til Christmas.

[Puts shoes on again, busys herself]

Anyway there's Mrs. Simms to think of, wouldn't want anyone else sifting through her delicates. She depends on me. I know I can trust you to do a good job Maud, she says. No problem, just leave it to me Mrs. Simms, I says.

[Stands motionless] Mind you not all of them are like Mrs. Simms.

I know those looks, I can see right through them, ....them that snigger behind me back, the nudges, the blank expressions, the forced smiles, the mocking comments. Humour her, I hear them say, humour her......but reflections in the dryer door expose them for what they really are.....frauds.

[Smiles to herself] But what they don't know is the jokes on them! I'm not bloody stupid. I know what's going on. I do it on purpose, make's my day go by. It's just a game, see who I can bore the most. The more boring the subject, the better. It's just a bit of fun, that's all.

[Woman starts to fold some clothes again in a somewhat, trance-like, manner. She lifts up the basket in front of her and starts to walk off stage.]

[Smile starts to fade] [mutters] Just a bit of fun....they don't mean it, do they? Nudges.... sniggers....forced smiles...yeh, it's just a bit of fun, isn't it?...just a bit of fun, that's all.